Show me how to live

    I have no idea if I am the only one around here, but sometimes I feel incredibly disconnected, uncomfortable in my own skin. Or kind of like I don't fit into this world. Like I was born at the wrong time , and I don't belong. Most of you are probably thinking that I've lost my mind. At least some of you are.
    The last few days haven't been my best days. Not even close. I'm still trying to find a bit of hope somewhere, around here, around this. But I've got to say that.. This is a strange world.Where the least important thing is doing well, and the most important thing is just hanging on. 
    I've always been insecure about some chapters in my life. And I've always took my time on making big decisions, and I've never made a single one, without being 100% sure of it. And, sincerly, I'm proud of that. But, sometimes I just wonder how my life would be , if I hadn't have this obsession of certainty.And now, I wish I was like that. Because now, I am infinitely sorry about how it came to be. All of it. I think I just miss what I thought we could be. And seriously, put yourself for just a second in my shoes . When someone tells you that they somehow stopped missing you, you're pretty much screwed no matter what you say. 
    You know, it's been said that we don't recognize the significant moments of our lives while they're happening. We grow complacent with ideas or things or people and we take them for granted. And it's usually not untill that thing is about to be taken away from you that you realize how wrong you've been. That you realize how much you really need it.
    But in the end, choosing the right path is never easy. It's a decision we make with only our heart to guide us.
    But hey, I do not take the entire blame on me. It is fifty-fifty and I do not accept an objection. And as far as it concerns you, you can not hide from life. Eventually, you have to live it.

Locked Hearts and Hand Grenades

I don't know if there's someone in this world that deserves to die for, to fight for. Because at a certain point, everyone disapoints you. I wish it wouldn't be true.. but it is. 
How did our lives drift so far apart? And how, without even trying, did we make our lives so complicated? I mean, I know I didn't . I know happiness doesn't come cheap, because, if it did, we would all be smiling. But, seriously, how much time do I have to survive in this world full of disapointments , for finaly get what I always wanted ? What I always needed. You think it's okay to be a little miserable every now and then...even when you have great things in your life ? I feel that way tonight, having a lot of great things in my life, but I just don't feel like I'm complete. I want to find that thing, or that person that deserves me to die for. I wanna feel that ache in the stomach, that you feel everytime you're doing something crazy. I wanna feel that everyday.
It's easy to have all the answers from a distance, but everybody makes decisions they regret. Some people doesn't understand this. I regret some things I've done, and I know it won't change anything of what happened , but I hoped it would change what comes. It just doesn't seem the same for some people. 
But I guess it’s always been that way. Wanting to be loved, to find somebody that makes your heart ache in a good way.. without even knowing, maybe we idealized love . Maybe our expectations are too high. Or maybe just my expectations.