Harriet Tubman once said "Every dream begins with a dreamer. Always remember, you have within you the strength, the patience and the passion to reach for the stars to change the world." I only wonder if I have that strength inside me. You know, all of us have dreams. I don't think there's anyone on this Earth who doesn't. We're all dreamers. But the most of us are scared of following the dream.
I think about the future, sometimes, and it scares me. It really does. I know what I'm gonna do for the next two years, but then, what ? I feel safe in highschool, and only the thought that one day I'll have to leave, and start all over again scares the hell outta me. Not just because my friends are here, and my memories are here, but I'll have to give up on the life I had, the life I always knew. The thing is, I sort of have the future planned from a long time, or at least the carrier I'm going to have is established. But the thing that is already torturing me, is that it is not the carrier that will make me happy. I like Medicine, Pharmacy, but they are not the things that make me struggle in a good way, struggle just for pleasure. That one for me, is Music.
"Music, once admitted to the soul, becomes a sort of a spirit, and never dies." . Those words belog to Sidney Lanier, but I totally approve them. Ever since I was a baby I felt the music in my heart, in my thoughts. I still do. I will always will.
Someone told me once " Don't let them take it only because the think it's the right thing to do.. your talent. It's all yours. Focus on it and everything else will work itself out.". But I guess I don't believe in myself enough. Maybe because there is a certain person close to me that forced me to think that a have a great talent, but the art side is not for everyone. And I am included in 'everyone'. And even if I would succeed, at a certain time, I'll fall, I'll fail, I'll be hurt and I'll wake up with the thought that I have nothing. And he's right. I'm afraid of failure. Everything he said is true. And all of it confuses me more and more everyday. That's why I really don't want highschool to end. Because the day I'll have to make a decision, is closer everyday. And I don't know what is best to do.
But there are days when I wake up full of confidence, full of courage, full of hope. Those days are making me realize that the people I admire most is the people that carve a life for themselves after their dream dies. Well, those days are making me think if someday that happens to me, I'll have to look at those I admire, and reach to be like them. Strength and hope and patience are the only things I need to move forward. And it's okay to have a back-up plan.
Our biggest regrets are not for the things we did, but for the things we didn't do. Because some people never get to touch their dreams, never get to know what that feels like... Never find that thing they love, or get to do it for a living. So, is it a tragedy to have that taken away from you ? No. The tragedy would be to lie awake at night, wondering - what if...- . Well, I don't wanna be that person.
Most great stories are stories of will, of determination and courage in the face of great adversity. I wanna tell a story like that one day, by being mine.
So, I decided to stop making excuses and start moving forward with my life and my dreams. Because I know one thing, and that's if you don't ask for something, you can't just expect it to happen. And every day you wait, is another day you'll never get back.
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